missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

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[for Meredith]

It's long past late by the time Sean weaves his way around Doc and pulls himself through the front door, battered and sore but feeling on top of the world in spite of it all. A few drinks to calm his nerves had unfortunately had something of the opposite effect, making him more jumped up and energetic than ever and turning into a few more, which wound up costing him half the evening. Either way, he's home now, no matter the shape he's in. And anyway, he hadn't meant to get in a fight, he'd been more curious than anything when he turned up to the little gathering, but then he wasn't exactly given a choice and that had been that. He certainly can't regret it, at any rate, not when coming home to Meredith has been the perfect ending to far worse days than this one.

Hopefully she's still awake.

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"Good. Then leave it," Sean says, closing the gap between them to kiss her again, no hesitation on his part until he wonders if he should maybe elaborate more. "'Cause I am. Okay, I mean."

Nope, that probably wasn't necessary.

"Okay," Meredith says, slipping her arms around his neck. "You know I'd believe it more if you stopped saying it, right?" She does that all the time, she's always fine. She knows better than to take it at face value, especially from him.

Sean makes a slightly confused face at that, although he catches her meaning quickly enough. She does it to him all the time, after all. "I guess," he says, wrapping his arms around her as he sits back to pull her into his lap despite the protests of aching muscles.

In spite of her reservations, Meredith laughs, settling against him and kissing his neck. "I thought maybe you were gonna quit while you were behind," she says lightly. Given the state he's in, she almost wishes he would; she doesn't have it in her to push him away, not for long. "Call it a night."

"Didnae say that I would, did I?" Sean murmurs, tipping his head to the side as his eyes slip closed. "Ye gave me reason nae to."

Meredith scoffs, nipping at his neck. "Because I stopped arguing?" she asks. There doesn't seem like all that much reason not to back down for now, but that doesn't mean she's just going to let that one go.

Sean sighs, too relaxed to be annoyed this time around. "Foine. Several reasons, then."

Meredith leans back to look at him, brow raising. "I'd hit you, but I think someone beat me to it," she deadpans, still uncomfortable with it. Sometimes making jokes is the only way to get around it. "I didn't realize there were other reasons, though."

"Kiss me again an' that'll be another righ' there," Sean says, a smug edge to his voice as he runs a hand through her hair. "Please dinnae hit me."

"Are you trying to make me mad at you?" Meredith asks, but she kisses him, light, not wanting to hurt him any. She smiles and gives him another. "How many reasons do you need?"

"Many as ye'll gimme," Sean says, carefully enunciating as much as he can really be bothered to right now and chasing another kiss. "As if I need ta try."

"I know, you're so good at it naturally," Meredith says dryly. Hands moving over his back, she kisses him again, grinning in spite of herself. She said she'd try not to mention it, not that she'd stop being irritated, but it comes out a frustrating mix of annoyed and entertained. "Don't remind me."

"Mmm, but 'm so good at that, too," Sean says even as he reaches down to toy with the hem of her shirt. There may not be much to have a sense of humour about these days, but if there's one thing he can be right now, it's self-deprecating.

Huffing out a laugh, Meredith tips her head to kiss his neck again. "You're good at a lot of things," she says. "Getting in trouble is one of them, yes." That much is a little too obvious tonight, her hands still tentative, unsure of where's safe to touch.

Sean smiles at her reply, baring his throat to her further, but when he replies, a note of despondence creeps into his voice. Not enough to bring the mood down any, but noticeable. "Jus' nae the kind I like gettin' into."

"You didn't seem too disappointed by tonight's trouble," Meredith says dryly, then pulls back, expression turning apologetic, if only mildly. "Stopping, I'm stopping." Still, whatever she might have said about letting it go, it bore mentioning.

"It's a... poor substitute fer the real thing," Sean explains, the way he pulls a slight face the only sign of his annoyance. She dropped it quickly enough, he supposes.

Meredith looks away, closing her eyes as she steels herself against saying anything rash. "Well, I can't pretend I'm sorry about that," she says stiffly. It didn't stop him anyway. It's selfish, if not hypocritical, to be glad he can't do the work he misses, but she always has been.

Sean really doesn't want to press any issue other than getting her undressed right now, but his mouth runs ahead of his thoughts and he can't quite seem to help himself when she says that. "Good ta know havin' yer man sit around all day doin' nothin' o' substance wi' his life is such a source o' joy f'r ye."

"It's not," Meredith protests, looking up again. "I want you to be happy. I want you to do what you want to do. That doesn't mean that I have to like it or I want to think about it." Whether she wants to or not, she can't help it now, seeing the results of his trying to have some facsimile of the effect, thinking how easy it would be for him to always be away from her, too.

"Ye want it but ye dinnae like it," Sean says skeptically, willfully ignorant of her meaning when it's so much easier just to see his side of things. She should like the idea of him doing something of worth, she should want to think about it. Sighing, he shakes his head and goes back to slipping his hands up the back of her shirt. "Whate'er, f'rget it, 's nothin'."

Meredith makes a small, startled sound, leaning forward to rest her head against his. "I'm sorry, okay?" she says. "It doesn't even matter when we're stuck here. I just know it'd mean you being away a lot and in danger and I'd miss you." He's doing his damnedest to make her forget why that is, even as she presses back into his hands, but it's still true. Most of the truth anyway, though she knows it's unfair when she intends to work such long shifts as soon as she can be back in a real O.R.

"Doesnae matter here at all," Sean says, but even the sublime distraction of unhooking her bra isn't enough to keep a bitter edge out of his voice and he does his best to ignore it.

"It does to you." Voice falling almost to a whisper, Meredith kisses him again, fingers brushing over his cheek. She can't take back what she said and she wouldn't. It's true, whether he likes it or not. Still, she wants some way to fix this and she's not at all sure this is it. "Here isn't forever. We'll get out of this. You'll get back to it."

Sean pauses and watches her closely, eyes unfocused but not unfeeling. That they'll get out of here one day, that this isn't all they get, it's something he fervently believes most of the time, but right now, battered and bruised and feeling better than he has in months because of it, it seems hopelessly optimistic, and optimism hasn't gotten him very far in this place.

"I know," he says with a tiny nod of his head. He doesn't sound particularly assured.

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