missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

Entry tags:

[for Meredith]

It's long past late by the time Sean weaves his way around Doc and pulls himself through the front door, battered and sore but feeling on top of the world in spite of it all. A few drinks to calm his nerves had unfortunately had something of the opposite effect, making him more jumped up and energetic than ever and turning into a few more, which wound up costing him half the evening. Either way, he's home now, no matter the shape he's in. And anyway, he hadn't meant to get in a fight, he'd been more curious than anything when he turned up to the little gathering, but then he wasn't exactly given a choice and that had been that. He certainly can't regret it, at any rate, not when coming home to Meredith has been the perfect ending to far worse days than this one.

Hopefully she's still awake.

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Sean lives up to her expectations, barely holding in an exasperated sigh as he finishes kicking off his jeans only to lay down next to her, his expression strained. "But what?"

Meredith shrugs again before she looks at him, rolling onto her side to face him. "It just feels weird," she says again, expression apologetic, though that fades when she leans in to kiss him again, slipping her bra off the rest of the way. "It's nothing. It's fine."

Losing himself in her kiss, it's tempting, so tempting, to just drop it and keep going, and Sean's inwardly kicking himself as he draws back. "Weird how?" he asks, the tension in his voice stemming mostly from the physical side of things rather than frustration with her. "It's either fine're it's nae."

"It is," Meredith says, lifting a hand in a gesture that's far less certain. "Fine. It's fine." It's the same feeling she gets when she's forgotten something, though, everything just a little off because of it. "I think it's just, the transition was sudden, you know? Fighting and then this. I'm not saying I don't want to, I do, I want you, I just... need a minute to adjust."

"Fine," Sean sighs, rolling onto his back and just staring at the ceiling. "Take all the time ye need." This is all he wanted to begin with. He's not the one who picked a fight in the first place.

Well, not with her.

"Sean," Meredith says, propping her head up on one hand, the other reaching for him before she pulls it back to cover herself. "I didn't mean like that, god, come on. I just want to take it slow for a minute, that's all, okay?" She looks down at the pillow, not sure if she wants to leave or snap or what, feeling so annoyingly vulnerable.

"Well, why don't ye jus' go ta sleep, then? Doesnae get much slower'n that," Sean snipes, regretting it immediately. She's just being honest with him, and he hates how childish he sounds, but he's drunk and hurt and horny, none of which make it easy to think things through properly. Lashing out is always the simplest of reactions.

"Fine," Meredith says, rolling over to face away from him, not able or bothering to hide the hurt in her voice. There's no way in hell she's sleeping now, wired from everything that's happened, wanting to put on her clothes but not wanting to move. "You don't want me anyway." It sickens her, how sure she is of that.

"How can ye say that?" Sean asks, louder than he intends, finally moving to face her now that she's got her back to him. "What, ye think I was lyin' before?"

"You're mad at me," Meredith says, not moving. She can't look at him when she feels like this, all but ready to burst into tears at the wrong word. It's just been a long night, that's the only excuse she can give for that. "Because I — you just want sex, you don't care if you're mad at me, you don't want me. I don't want it."

"Meredith," Sean sighs, shifting forward until he can rest his forehead against her shoulder blade. He's doing his best to will some of the tension out of his voice, but it isn't easy. "I'm nae mad at ye. I jus' dinnae want ta fight. I dinnae want t'have been fightin', nae with ye. I jus' want ta forget it."

"You didn't have to snap at me," Meredith says quietly, but she turns her head a little, not quite looking back yet. It's like all she can do is forgive him over and over and over, whatever it takes to make this one corner of their lives okay. She isn't sure it is yet. "I just didn't want it like that."

"'M sorry," Sean whispers, his lips brushing against her skin as he talks. Slowly, almost cautious about it, he reaches over to rest a hand gently at her hip. "I get that, I jus'... 'm sorry."

It takes her a few moments, but Meredith relents, turning carefully toward him, slipping lower so she can kiss him. "Still love me?" she asks. She doesn't care how goddamn needy she sounds, she still feels the need to ask, maybe because the answer's the only thing she feels sure of.

"Always," Sean replies, deepening the kiss without a moment's hesitation. He hardly knows which way his own head is screwed on these days, so when given the opportunity to assure her of one of the few things he never wavers on, he relishes it. If only he was better at showing it in other ways. Slipping his arm around her, he pauses for a moment, eyes cast downward. "Same question."

Meredith nods, pulling him into another kiss. "Always," she says. He drives her half-crazy, but that part's never in doubt. In spite of having known he'd say that, in spite of everything, hearing it's enough to ease her uncertainty, make her press closer. "So much."

Sean groans quietly, pushing his hips against hers when she edges closer, but even with the state he's in, he's hesitant to push things after being shot down already. "Still want me?"

It's a little frustrating for her that the answer's the same to that question, too. Meredith hesitates a moment, then nods again, hand moving down his back to pull him closer. "Yes," she says. "God, Sean, yes."

"Oh, thank God," Sean says in a whispered rush, any tentativeness in his actions disappearing as he starts in on getting her pants off. The way he feels right now is far needier in his eyes than asking for a little bit of validation, but he's more than a little biased, and he also doesn't have it in him to care just yet. That's what the morning will be for.

Meredith bites her lip, whimpering as she lifts her hips to help him. It isn't fair he can make her so angry, so hurt, and still have this effect on her, but she wants to forget, too, and she's not going to let it slow her down now that she's surer of her decision. "So you still want me?" she asks, like that isn't perfectly self-evident.

"So much," Sean says, his words slurred and movements rough as he strips her, his heart pounding somewhere up near his throat as if they've never done this before. "Want ye so much it makes me crazy sometimes."

"I know," Meredith says on an exhale, moving to kiss him again, on the mouth, then the neck. "Sometimes I don't even know why, I just want you. In me, touching me, just..." Now has to be one of the those times, when she's so sure she'll just be mad at him again tomorrow, but she just wants his hands on her as she sucks at his throat.

"Yes," Sean hisses, drawing the sound out, not even sure what he's agreeing with. At least he's not alone in feeling this way, he thinks, tipping his head back as he works to get his boxers off, set on fulfilling a few of those mysterious wants of hers. Whatever it is they've done to each other, he has to believe that it's something good.

Meredith hesitates, uncertain if only because she's not sure about letting go altogether when he's banged up like this, but the moment passes. She turns her attention back to him, teeth dragging down the line of his neck. If something hurts, if something's off limits, he'll say so. Until then, she just wants to put all this fuss behind her for a little while and feel good, hand moving down his hip as she kisses him again.

If he pays too much attention to it, everything hurts, but so long as he doesn't focus on it, it just adds a bit of a bite to the proceedings, heightens the sensations that much more. His breathing goes a touch ragged as he slides her panties off and nudges her legs apart, baring his throat to her all the while. He's no masochist, but he wouldn't change a single thing right now if given the chance.

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