missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

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[for Meredith]

It's not often that Sean comes home in this state anymore, with that old swagger in his step that comes from too much focus spent keeping it steady, but really, that's what makes the times when he does go all out all the more worth it. That's what he tells himself, anyway. The guilt that he feels when he drinks is a rather unwelcome recent addition, however, fading echoes of a fight with Meredith that he barely remembers always ready to creep up on him as soon as he lets his guard down, and there's only so much rationalizing he can do after he's had a few. Which leads to more drinking, which leads to nights like tonight. It doesn't seem fair, somehow, when he's finally getting over the depression that had plagued him for months, to be brought low by something so utterly ridiculous, but at least it tends to fade away pretty reliably somewhere during the short walk home. These are good days he's living in, good times, and these nights are the exception as opposed to the rule now. Which makes them all the more worth it.

He pauses in the yard to ruffle Doc's fur when he gets home and the damn mutt nearly gets him rolling around on the ground with him by the time Sean drags himself through the front door. "Hey you," he drawls fondly when he spots Meredith and heads over to a chair, draping his jacket over the back of it before taking a seat with a heavy sigh. "We should have a couch. Why don't we have a couch?"

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"I'll tell ye," Sean says simply before reluctantly admitting, "I do tell ye, it jus'... takes longer'n it should sometimes. I'll work on't." The problem before, with the drinking, is that there was nothing to tell, she knew exactly what was wrong since she'd been through it all as well. He was the one who'd been in the dark as to just how much it had apparently been affecting her. "That goes both ways, though. No more sittin' on these things f'r either of us. Full disclosure, least where it concerns the other."

"Full disclosure," Meredith echoes, though she's plainly less than certain. It's not so much a matter of being honest with him as it is that she knows herself well enough to know she's not all that good at that. "That's going to take some work for us both."

"That's alright," Sean says with a confidence that he probably isn't entitled to. Sometimes being cocky has its definite advantages. "Hard work's part an' parcel o' married life, that's jus' the way it goes."

"Oh, is it?" Meredith asks, brow raising, and jabs him lightly in the chest with one finger. "But we're not married yet. Does that mean I don't have to start on the hard work now?" As if just getting here hasn't been a trial and a half in its own right.

Sean sways slightly on his feet when she pokes him, a proper smile finally making itself known once again. "We should prob'ly get the practice in whene'er we can, though," he teases lightly. "Knowin' us, an' all." That, and he's beyond eager to start things out right, since he's apparently incapable of ending them that way.

"We need it," Meredith deadpans, though she can't fully stifle a smile. "And there's not much time left for that practice." It's just a matter of being patient a little longer until the dress is hers and they can finally move on. In spite of all the near crises, though, they've made it this far. A little longer won't kill them. "So you better get on that."

"I thought that's what tonight was," Sean says, looking briefly puzzled even if his smile doesn't fade. "Consider me on it, darlin'."

"Oh," Meredith says. "You're right, I guess that's exactly what it is." God knows it feels like work when these things happen, and not the kind she enjoys. "Well, see, we're started already."

"Now that doesnae sound like us at all," Sean says, and while he tries to stay appropriately deadpan as he does so, he doesn't quite manage to pull it off. He's simply feeling too good for that, having all of this finally sorted out between them. "Does this mean drawin' everythin' out as long as humanly possible's gonna be a thing o' the past, as well?"

Meredith laughs, brow raising as her head tips to the side. "Let's not get carried away," she says, then adds, "I don't do that. That's you." It might be her, too, but she's not admitting to anything. She's not accusing either, though. For the moment, things seem to be looking up again, and though she's still wondering if there's anything she should say before they settle into thing everything's just fine, she really just wants to go with it.

"Oh it is, is it?" Sean asks, still grinning and not buying it. He's not the one still waiting on a dress while also vowing not to care about it, after all, but that's not even a judgment so much as just an observation. As long as it all comes together in the end, he's through with fretting over how they get there. "In that case, does it mean I dinnae have ta knock it off?"

"No, you still do," Meredith says, slipping her arms up around his neck. "I'm looking forward to finding out what that's like, if only temporarily." She grins, chin tipping up. Whatever happens, she just has to remember, they'll pull through. It just always seems easier to keep that in mind when they already have.

"Mmm, well ye know how I do so hate t' disappoint ye," Sean murmurs, smiling as he kisses her soundly. It's been a long time since he's felt this secure in all the ways that matter, and he figures that can only improve once he sobers up. "An' so, in the interests o' gettin' a jump on that, I'm goin' ta get back t'me original plan o' puttin' some music on an' layin' down an' ye are more'n welcome ta join me."

"That book is terrible anyway," Meredith says with a shake of her head and a smirk. It's not always the book's fault; half the time when she doesn't know where he's gone, she can't concentrate properly no matter what's on the page. For the moment, she chooses not to think about that. He's here now. "Lead the way."

Sean smirks and puts one arm around her shoulders, not even bothering to break away to put something on and instead just awkwardly pressing play on whatever is already in the CD player with his foot as they pass. "Wouldnae want ye ta get lost, now would I?"

"Oh, so thoughtful, thank you," laughs Meredith. She wouldn't say she especially likes his taste in music these days, but it's grown on her, at least, become almost comfortingly familiar. They could do with some of that. "Because it's so far to the bedroom."

"Better safe'n sorry," Sean sing-songs, as if that's a mantra he's ever bothered applying to his life with any amount of regularity. It hardly matters now. With Patsy Cline in the air, spirits high, and having finally said his piece regarding the night she broke his heart, he feels more than safe enough for their purposes. "Feels like it may as well be miles some nights."

"Well, not tonight," Meredith says, turning around to walk backwards through the door. She knows what he means, and she could easily think up a handful of those nights if she let herself, but she's determined to shut them out for now. However things started out, they're right back on track. "See? Safe and sound."

"Snug 'n secure," Sea murmurs with a silly little lilt to his voice as he leans in to kiss her again, slow and lingering before he breaks away in order to turn around and flop roughly back down on the bed with a drawn-out groan of relief. Reaching up from where he lays sprawled out, he smiles contentedly and makes grabby hands in her direction. "Now that's more like it. C'mere, you."

Meredith laughs, rolling her eyes as she slips into bed and leans over him. "So we're okay?" she asks, light because the reassurance is scarcely needed. They'll be fine, they are fine, and it's a relief to end the evening on a pleasant note when this could so easily have spun out of control again.

"Mmm, I'd say it certainly feels that way," Sean replies, just as pleased that his words hardly seem needed as he is to say them anyway. Putting his arms around her, he pulls her close against him, just closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. "This is it, right here, this is how it should always be."

"Well, there's another thing to work on," Meredith teases, then shakes her head. "You'd get bored. We both would." That doesn't mean she can't enjoy it now. A little peace and quiet, some easy satisfaction — they deserve it more often than they get, even if they don't always know what to do with it.

"I thought the whole point o' heaven was that ye dinnae get bored of't," Sean says, purposefully cheesy as he opens his eyes a crack and grins. "Still, I s'pose that's all the more reason t'enjoy it as long as we'll let ourselves."

Meredith laughs, rolling away onto her back with a fondly exasperated sigh. "You're ridiculous," she tells him, like that's anything new, then reaches to tug him toward her. "It always sounded kind of boring to me. Heaven, not us."

Sean moves easily at her touch, ending up half on top of her until he settles in, grinning stupidly. "Ye're honestly knockin' eternal bliss? D'ye realize how that sounds?"

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