missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

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[for Meredith]

It's not often that Sean comes home in this state anymore, with that old swagger in his step that comes from too much focus spent keeping it steady, but really, that's what makes the times when he does go all out all the more worth it. That's what he tells himself, anyway. The guilt that he feels when he drinks is a rather unwelcome recent addition, however, fading echoes of a fight with Meredith that he barely remembers always ready to creep up on him as soon as he lets his guard down, and there's only so much rationalizing he can do after he's had a few. Which leads to more drinking, which leads to nights like tonight. It doesn't seem fair, somehow, when he's finally getting over the depression that had plagued him for months, to be brought low by something so utterly ridiculous, but at least it tends to fade away pretty reliably somewhere during the short walk home. These are good days he's living in, good times, and these nights are the exception as opposed to the rule now. Which makes them all the more worth it.

He pauses in the yard to ruffle Doc's fur when he gets home and the damn mutt nearly gets him rolling around on the ground with him by the time Sean drags himself through the front door. "Hey you," he drawls fondly when he spots Meredith and heads over to a chair, draping his jacket over the back of it before taking a seat with a heavy sigh. "We should have a couch. Why don't we have a couch?"

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"Sacrilegious," Meredith sighs contentedly. "I know, I know. But standing around in the clouds just isn't my idea of bliss. Tell me there's a hospital in Heaven and then I'll reconsider." She's pretty sure that kind of thing being ruled out is a part of the package, though.

"I could, but it seems like there bein' a lot o' injuries an' illness might'n defeat the purpose o' the place a wee bit. Nae sure what it says 'bout me that I've always sorta agreed wi' the borin' bit, though," Sean admits, closing his eyes again but staying otherwise alert. "I figger it's the sort o' thing that's jus' got ta be better'n all the books make it sound."

"Aha!" Meredith waves a finger at him, then taps him on the nose with it, smiling and triumphant. The way she figures it, she's fine not knowing whether it's better or not for a good long while to come. "Do you realize how that sounds? Knocking eternal bliss."

Sean smirks and reaches up to grab at her hand when she taps him, but far too slow to actually pull it off. "I like ta think of it as knowin' what I like. But yer answer works, too, I s'pose."

Meredith nods, grinning, and lifts her head to kiss him. "Well, either way," she says, "doesn't matter now. We're right here." And lately, right here's been better and better. She knows better these days than to wish for elsewhere when they have this now.

"Feels pretty damned close t'heaven f'r me," Sean murmurs in agreement, nuzzling her cheek. When they're not going through hell, at any rate. Right now, that just seems to make the moments like this that much sweeter. The good things in life are always better when they've been earned. "Less all the boredom."

Letting out a quiet laugh, Meredith turns to brush her nose against his. "We could probably do with a little more boredom now and then," she says wryly. "And a lot less of it." She can't argue his first point, though. In the moments when they get peace instead of boredom, it feels about as close to perfect as she thinks she can get.

Sean slowly reaches up to brush his fingers through her hair, his touch light and careful to keep from getting too clumsy. "Christ, we're difficult," he chuckles, smiling warmly.

"Mm-hm," hums Meredith, nodding with a pleased little smirk. "Don't act like that's news," she says. "You wouldn't enjoy it half so much when it works out if it were all easy." She knows him too well for that. Nice as that might be in theory, the fact of it would bore them both.

"Where's the satisfaction to enjoyin' a prize that hasnae been won?" Sean asks in his own manner of agreement, stealing another quick kiss and trying not to let his thoughts wander too far. Sure, free rides sound pretty appealing on paper, but the things in life requiring the most work are always the most worthwhile. "We've earned this."

"Oh, I'm a prize now," scoffs Meredith, rolling her eyes. She knows full well what he means, though. It's a great idea in theory, something for nothing, but it never works out that way and it wouldn't be as worthwhile if it did. Slipping a leg around him, she tugs him closer. "I just wish things stayed earned."

"The grandest prize of all," Sean teases, wrapping his arms around her possessively. It would be nice, of course, if the good times didn't always seem so fleeting, if happiness didn't have to be paid for in heartache, but it just helps to make moments where it all falls away that much sweeter. Besides, after all that they've been through, they should have a pretty sizable cushion of grief to fall back on to keep things good for a nice, long while. "But then we'd have no incentive ta keep on bein' such good li'l boys an' girls."

Meredith laughs, head tipping back. "That is exactly how I'd describe us, yes," she says wryly. "Good little boys and girls. You know, it's not like behaving's made things so nice and easy." It's hard to sound like she's really complaining at a moment like this, although it doesn't make her mean it any less.

"Maybe if we were a touch more consistent at it, though..." Sean says, almost sheepish in spite of his smile. "But I s'pose that ties back inta the whole boredom thing." If either of them wanted to be with a saint, they never would have found each other in the first place.

"And where would be the fun in that?" Meredith asks, brow arching. All things considered, she thinks they've behaved themselves fairly well in the ways that really count. "Although I can think of a few ways to get past that boredom next time it rears up."

"Oh?" Sean asks, his smile tightening into a smirk as he quirks an eyebrow in turn. "Care t'enlighten the rest o' the class, then?"

Meredith arches up a little, hand winding in his hair as she tugs him toward her to kiss. A moment later, she's laughing, though, shaking her head without pulling much away. "That's a really weird turn of phrase," she says, "now that you're my student."

"Is it?" Her laugh proves to be infectious, and Sean finds himself briefly overtaken by something little better than a fit of the giggles, resting his forehead against her shoulder for the moment. "Sounds so sordid when ye put it like that. Can I help it that I'm hot f'r teacher?"

Meredith twists half onto her side, face almost buried in the pillow as she laughs. "You're awful," she says, arms draped limply over his shoulders. She tries to stifle her giggles — unsuccessfully —brow raising. "That sounds even worse."

"Does it?" Sean asks, mock innocent until his sly smile inevitably peeks through once more. "Guess it cannae be helped, in that case," he says, ducking his head to place a kiss against the gentle curve of her throat. "Awful or nae, I cannae tell a lie."

"Awful or not, you'd better be," teases Meredith. Her eyes fall briefly shut before she glances up with a grin. All jokes aside, she kind of enjoys having him in her class, showing him a little of what she loves. "Wouldn't bode too well for the future if you weren't."

"I like to think me past actions speak f'r themselves, least when it comes to that," Sean shoots back with a laugh that's really more of a sigh. He had his doubts about taking a class like that in the beginning, but he has to admit, it's been nice to have some small part of their life together be about more than just the two of them. "Bring on the future."

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