[for Meredith]

[missingthekeep]

It's not often that Sean comes home in this state anymore, with that old swagger in his step that comes from too much focus spent keeping it steady, but really, that's what makes the times when he does go all out all the more worth it. That's what he tells himself, anyway. The guilt that he feels when he drinks is a rather unwelcome recent addition, however, fading echoes of a fight with Meredith that he barely remembers always ready to creep up on him as soon as he lets his guard down, and there's only so much rationalizing he can do after he's had a few. Which leads to more drinking, which leads to nights like tonight. It doesn't seem fair, somehow, when he's finally getting over the depression that had plagued him for months, to be brought low by something so utterly ridiculous, but at least it tends to fade away pretty reliably somewhere during the short walk home. These are good days he's living in, good times, and these nights are the exception as opposed to the rule now. Which makes them all the more worth it.

He pauses in the yard to ruffle Doc's fur when he gets home and the damn mutt nearly gets him rolling around on the ground with him by the time Sean drags himself through the front door. "Hey you," he drawls fondly when he spots Meredith and heads over to a chair, draping his jacket over the back of it before taking a seat with a heavy sigh. "We should have a couch. Why don't we have a couch?"

Comments

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Mmm, well ye know how I do so hate t' disappoint ye," Sean murmurs, smiling as he kisses her soundly. It's been a long time since he's felt this secure in all the ways that matter, and he figures that can only improve once he sobers up. "An' so, in the interests o' gettin' a jump on that, I'm goin' ta get back t'me original plan o' puttin' some music on an' layin' down an' ye are more'n welcome ta join me."

[drownondryland]

"That book is terrible anyway," Meredith says with a shake of her head and a smirk. It's not always the book's fault; half the time when she doesn't know where he's gone, she can't concentrate properly no matter what's on the page. For the moment, she chooses not to think about that. He's here now. "Lead the way."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean smirks and puts one arm around her shoulders, not even bothering to break away to put something on and instead just awkwardly pressing play on whatever is already in the CD player with his foot as they pass. "Wouldnae want ye ta get lost, now would I?"

[drownondryland]

"Oh, so thoughtful, thank you," laughs Meredith. She wouldn't say she especially likes his taste in music these days, but it's grown on her, at least, become almost comfortingly familiar. They could do with some of that. "Because it's so far to the bedroom."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Better safe'n sorry," Sean sing-songs, as if that's a mantra he's ever bothered applying to his life with any amount of regularity. It hardly matters now. With Patsy Cline in the air, spirits high, and having finally said his piece regarding the night she broke his heart, he feels more than safe enough for their purposes. "Feels like it may as well be miles some nights."

[drownondryland]

"Well, not tonight," Meredith says, turning around to walk backwards through the door. She knows what he means, and she could easily think up a handful of those nights if she let herself, but she's determined to shut them out for now. However things started out, they're right back on track. "See? Safe and sound."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Snug 'n secure," Sea murmurs with a silly little lilt to his voice as he leans in to kiss her again, slow and lingering before he breaks away in order to turn around and flop roughly back down on the bed with a drawn-out groan of relief. Reaching up from where he lays sprawled out, he smiles contentedly and makes grabby hands in her direction. "Now that's more like it. C'mere, you."

[drownondryland]

Meredith laughs, rolling her eyes as she slips into bed and leans over him. "So we're okay?" she asks, light because the reassurance is scarcely needed. They'll be fine, they are fine, and it's a relief to end the evening on a pleasant note when this could so easily have spun out of control again.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Mmm, I'd say it certainly feels that way," Sean replies, just as pleased that his words hardly seem needed as he is to say them anyway. Putting his arms around her, he pulls her close against him, just closing his eyes and enjoying the moment. "This is it, right here, this is how it should always be."

[drownondryland]

"Well, there's another thing to work on," Meredith teases, then shakes her head. "You'd get bored. We both would." That doesn't mean she can't enjoy it now. A little peace and quiet, some easy satisfaction — they deserve it more often than they get, even if they don't always know what to do with it.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"I thought the whole point o' heaven was that ye dinnae get bored of't," Sean says, purposefully cheesy as he opens his eyes a crack and grins. "Still, I s'pose that's all the more reason t'enjoy it as long as we'll let ourselves."

[drownondryland]

Meredith laughs, rolling away onto her back with a fondly exasperated sigh. "You're ridiculous," she tells him, like that's anything new, then reaches to tug him toward her. "It always sounded kind of boring to me. Heaven, not us."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean moves easily at her touch, ending up half on top of her until he settles in, grinning stupidly. "Ye're honestly knockin' eternal bliss? D'ye realize how that sounds?"

[drownondryland]

"Sacrilegious," Meredith sighs contentedly. "I know, I know. But standing around in the clouds just isn't my idea of bliss. Tell me there's a hospital in Heaven and then I'll reconsider." She's pretty sure that kind of thing being ruled out is a part of the package, though.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"I could, but it seems like there bein' a lot o' injuries an' illness might'n defeat the purpose o' the place a wee bit. Nae sure what it says 'bout me that I've always sorta agreed wi' the borin' bit, though," Sean admits, closing his eyes again but staying otherwise alert. "I figger it's the sort o' thing that's jus' got ta be better'n all the books make it sound."

[drownondryland]

"Aha!" Meredith waves a finger at him, then taps him on the nose with it, smiling and triumphant. The way she figures it, she's fine not knowing whether it's better or not for a good long while to come. "Do you realize how that sounds? Knocking eternal bliss."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean smirks and reaches up to grab at her hand when she taps him, but far too slow to actually pull it off. "I like ta think of it as knowin' what I like. But yer answer works, too, I s'pose."

[drownondryland]

Meredith nods, grinning, and lifts her head to kiss him. "Well, either way," she says, "doesn't matter now. We're right here." And lately, right here's been better and better. She knows better these days than to wish for elsewhere when they have this now.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Feels pretty damned close t'heaven f'r me," Sean murmurs in agreement, nuzzling her cheek. When they're not going through hell, at any rate. Right now, that just seems to make the moments like this that much sweeter. The good things in life are always better when they've been earned. "Less all the boredom."

[drownondryland]

Letting out a quiet laugh, Meredith turns to brush her nose against his. "We could probably do with a little more boredom now and then," she says wryly. "And a lot less of it." She can't argue his first point, though. In the moments when they get peace instead of boredom, it feels about as close to perfect as she thinks she can get.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean slowly reaches up to brush his fingers through her hair, his touch light and careful to keep from getting too clumsy. "Christ, we're difficult," he chuckles, smiling warmly.

[drownondryland]

"Mm-hm," hums Meredith, nodding with a pleased little smirk. "Don't act like that's news," she says. "You wouldn't enjoy it half so much when it works out if it were all easy." She knows him too well for that. Nice as that might be in theory, the fact of it would bore them both.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Where's the satisfaction to enjoyin' a prize that hasnae been won?" Sean asks in his own manner of agreement, stealing another quick kiss and trying not to let his thoughts wander too far. Sure, free rides sound pretty appealing on paper, but the things in life requiring the most work are always the most worthwhile. "We've earned this."

[drownondryland]

"Oh, I'm a prize now," scoffs Meredith, rolling her eyes. She knows full well what he means, though. It's a great idea in theory, something for nothing, but it never works out that way and it wouldn't be as worthwhile if it did. Slipping a leg around him, she tugs him closer. "I just wish things stayed earned."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"The grandest prize of all," Sean teases, wrapping his arms around her possessively. It would be nice, of course, if the good times didn't always seem so fleeting, if happiness didn't have to be paid for in heartache, but it just helps to make moments where it all falls away that much sweeter. Besides, after all that they've been through, they should have a pretty sizable cushion of grief to fall back on to keep things good for a nice, long while. "But then we'd have no incentive ta keep on bein' such good li'l boys an' girls."