missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

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[for Meredith]

He’s been hurt worse. That’s what Sean tells himself when he wakes up to the sterile clinic walls instead of his bedroom and feels a wave of frustration wash over him. Relief that he’s still alive is probably buried in there somewhere deep down, but he’s too busy being disgusted with himself for making such rookie mistakes as taking his eyes off his attackers and not having backup escape routes planned in advance. He never trusted that bloody space station from the get-go, but he was still caught unprepared. Not that one can ever really be prepared for robotically animated corpses, but he should have at least been able to put himself in a frame of mind suitable for protecting Meredith without sacrificing the basics.

He got sloppy. Just like the last time something like this happened. He got overly emotional (the emotion may have been different this time around, but the principle remains the same), and he lost his edge, and bad things happened as a result. Which is why, as true as it is, the knowledge that he’s been hurt worse than this doesn’t come as much of a comfort. Maybe he’ll be out of this place sooner, but that doesn’t mean much if he’s just going to screw up again the next time something bad happens.

Besides, at least the last time he found himself laid up somewhere, he was capable of complaining about it.

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Meredith shakes her head, though only because she still doesn't entirely understand it. She's kept herself running in circles to avoid thinking. It makes putting the pieces together difficult. "I don't know," she says, "I... I don't know why it happened. They got people off, though. Brought them back down. The ship still crashed." She reaches for his wrist as she speaks, wanting some tether to him, some way of keeping him here.

It doesn't tell him much, but maybe there's just not a whole lot to tell yet. Sean doesn't even know how long he's been out. Balancing the clipboard on his knees to keep from having to disengage from her grip, he goes on.

But everyone's all right?

"I don't know," Meredith admits. "There's a lot of information flying around. I doubt I've heard it all. There were a lot of injuries, but no casualties yet that I know of." She's not convinced that won't prove to be a temporary thing. There was too much happening up there and too many close calls. Not everyone could have pulled through that and there are patients they have to watch carefully for a while, him included. She's not calling anything yet.

Sean nods slowly, relieved, but not entirely at the lack of severe problems. It just feels good to have a little information, to feel a little less blind and deaf in addition to being mute.

As long as you're okay.

"I'm fine," Meredith says. "It didn't hit anything major. I just want you to be okay." In the scheme of things, in relation to everyone else's hurts and her own previous experiences and what he's going through now, her leg isn't a problem. She's bruised and still scared, as if her body hasn't yet realized she's safe now, but that doesn't mean anything.

Well, that makes two of them. With the way he's already feeling restless and kind of panicky, and with no end to it in sight, he's not so sure how feasible a hope it is, though. Suddenly remembering a particular sticking point that has something to do with that, he hesitates for a moment before biting the bullet and bringing it up. He's not about to try jumping out of bed right this second, but he should still get it out of the way.

I'm not staying here for a week.

"You are," Meredith says firmly, then sighs. "Five days. Can you give me that much? You still have to rest when you get out of here, Sean, I... This will take care of itself if you rest." She wouldn't have a problem bringing him home sooner if she thought he'd actually relax, actually stay in bed; even five days seems like pushing it to her.

It's something, but not enough. He's fairly confident that another good night's sleep should be enough to get him back on his feet. Anything longer than that will only serve to drive him utterly mad, remind him too much of the last time he was in a similar situation. Having Meredith at his side helps, but it's not enough.

I can rest at home.

Meredith bites her lip, shaking her head, although it's not exactly a refusal yet. "But will you?" she asks. "If I took you home, you'd actually rest? Even when I'm not looking?" She's not at all sure she believes that and she watches him closely for some sign she's wrong not to.

Sensing that 'If I have to' would probably be the wrong response, Sean tries a different tack. He's slightly hesitant, but then, why shouldn't he be?

More than I will here.

It's not even stubbornness. It's just the truth.

Meredith sighs, glancing away. At least he's being honest, she has to give him that. "I'm still keeping you here a few days," she says. "If something goes wrong, if there's a complication, I want you here. I'm not accepting arguments on this one. And when you're released, when you go home, you have to listen to me on this, okay? I'm not being overprotective, I'm not just being your girlfriend, I'm your doctor. Okay?"

Sean sighs, silently fumes when even that hurts, and gives a noncommittal shrug, not a yes or a no. If it gets too bad, he'll have to duck out on his own whether she likes it or not, but he can do his best to be good until then. It was for her sake that he landed himself in here, the least he can do is try to see it through.

"I mean it," Meredith says. "You have to actually follow your limits this time or you're going to wind up back in here and I won't negotiate the stay next time. It'll be longer. This can turn into very serious problems." It could also sort itself out, but that's only in the scenario where he actually somewhat listens to her on this, which looks doubtful to her.

There's still nothing can say to that, so he shrugs again without looking at her, throwing in a reluctant nod for good measure. Contradicting her right now isn't going to accomplish much of anything beyond make her watch him that much closer when he does need to get out.

"Okay." Meredith's not convinced that's agreement of any kind, but there's no point in badgering him about it now, not when it's all just happened and she's still a little jittery now she has nothing to do, no reason to stay steady. She'll just have to watch him and make sure she's clear later, but for now, she gets up so she can sit on the edge of the bed instead. "How are you feeling?"

Sean casts his eyes down and gives a vague, one-handed gesture that's meant to imply he's either alright or something close to it. He feels like hell, honestly, and ignoring the urge to just lay back down isn't helping, but considering that he came damn close to being strangled and disemboweled, it's really not all that bad.

"If anything starts to feel worse, if there's anything I can get you," Meredith says, trailing off. Managing a small smile, she leans forward to kiss him, soft and quick, and tries to remind herself some of these bruises didn't even happen today, that it isn't as bad as it looks. "I'd take advantage of it. Short of another accident, there aren't many other ways you'll get me to just do your bidding."

Sean smiles, but it's small and halfhearted, failing to reach his eyes. Then, deciding that there shouldn't be too much harm in taking her up on her earlier offer as long as he doesn't make a habit out of it, he makes the motion of raising a glass and drinking, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Water?" Meredith asks, but it isn't really a question. He needs fluids, not alcohol, at this juncture, even if he didn't have this particular set of injuries (as if she needs another reason to keep an eye on him). "I'll be right back." Touching his arm, she gets to her feet and heads off. Even with the crowds and the pain in her leg, she makes quick work of it, returning a minute or two later and sitting on his bed again. The relief that comes with being able to do anything at all almost makes her feel even worse as she hands the glass to him.

Sean's not sure if the silence is made easier to bear without her around or harder. That probably just means that the difference is negligible, but he can't help but want to read more into it as he waits, and when she returns it's a relief if only so he can stop thinking about it. With a nod of thanks, he takes the glass and drinks, but some twinge in his throat has it going down the wrong way and he's coughing a few seconds later, the back of his hand pressed to his mouth.

Meredith grabs the glass from him and sets it aside before he can drop it, leaning forward to rub circles against his back. "Okay," she says quietly, "okay, it's fine, are you — are you okay?" It's such a ridiculous thing to be upset by, something that could happen at any time, but she finds herself a little panicked anyway, still on edge from earlier.

Even if he wasn't busy choking on nothing, Sean wouldn't be able to answer her, and the thought only serves to frustrate him further as he leans forward and tries to start breathing again. Still, he forces himself to nod frantically, because this is already about as pathetic as it gets and he may as well try to retain at least some of his dignity.

Edited 2011-02-03 09:54 (UTC)

Meredith turns around so she can sit beside him instead, slipping an arm around him. The process of caring for someone, removed from the medicine of it, is one she knows too well, one she doesn't enjoy in the least, but she has to pull herself together for this. He doesn't need to worry himself over her at a time like this, so she grits her teeth and bears it when her left leg refuses to join her right on the bed.

Sean leans against her for support automatically, but he draws back as soon as he's capable of drawing a complete breath without coughing again. If they were at home, maybe, but this is too public a place and he's already feeling far too vulnerable as it is. There's a long moment where all he wants to do is grab the glass and chuck it across the room, but he manages to restrain himself.

"Good," Meredith murmurs. "Okay." Until he starts wanting to rush things, they'll do this at his pace, so she waits for an indication he's ready to try again, lightly rubbing his shoulder in the meanwhile. Seeing him like this is more than a little difficult, but she's not going anywhere so long as he wants her around.

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