[for Meredith]

[missingthekeep]

He’s been hurt worse. That’s what Sean tells himself when he wakes up to the sterile clinic walls instead of his bedroom and feels a wave of frustration wash over him. Relief that he’s still alive is probably buried in there somewhere deep down, but he’s too busy being disgusted with himself for making such rookie mistakes as taking his eyes off his attackers and not having backup escape routes planned in advance. He never trusted that bloody space station from the get-go, but he was still caught unprepared. Not that one can ever really be prepared for robotically animated corpses, but he should have at least been able to put himself in a frame of mind suitable for protecting Meredith without sacrificing the basics.

He got sloppy. Just like the last time something like this happened. He got overly emotional (the emotion may have been different this time around, but the principle remains the same), and he lost his edge, and bad things happened as a result. Which is why, as true as it is, the knowledge that he’s been hurt worse than this doesn’t come as much of a comfort. Maybe he’ll be out of this place sooner, but that doesn’t mean much if he’s just going to screw up again the next time something bad happens.

Besides, at least the last time he found himself laid up somewhere, he was capable of complaining about it.

Comments

[drownondryland]

"When you should be lying down," Meredith points out. "I know you want to move, I know you don't want to be here, but I need you to be. I need you to stay put for a little while. I need you." Maybe that's why this makes her so nervous, she realizes — because she needs him with her and so long as he's here, he is. So long as he's in this bed, she knows where he is; she doesn't have to wait at home alone, kept in the dark again.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

It's not about his wants versus her needs. It has been at times, but this isn't one of them. Sean needs to get out sooner rather than later just as fully as she supposedly needs him to stay, if not more. That too, though, falls under the long list of thoughts that it will do him no good to share, so he takes a slow, raspy, centering breath and relents without actually going back on his words any.

You have me.

[drownondryland]

There are things about him, Meredith's realized these last few months, that scare her. It's not about commitment anymore and her fear of that, although her willingness to commit to him no matter what alarms her at times. It's how careless he is with himself, how little he sometimes seems matters to him, when he's everything to her. That she recognizes that, even identifies with it, only makes it worse. Resting her hand on his arm, she nods, not quite looking at him; that wouldn't help her hold it together. "I know," she says. "I just want to keep it that way."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Treating him with kid gloves is hardly going to accomplish that, but there he goes again with the entirely unhelpful thoughts. Sean's not entirely sure what category his next one falls under, though.

This is going to be hard, isn't it?

[drownondryland]

"Yeah," Meredith sighs, nodding. "Yeah, it is." There's no point in pretending otherwise. Aside from the possibility for complications and the chance he'll push himself too fast, she's less worried about his abdominal injury than his throat, though. That it could be months before his voice is in working order is another thing to scare the hell out of her, try as she might to remind herself of everything they've already managed to endure. They don't mean this won't be the breaking point. She musters herself to look over. "But we can do hard. We can do this."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean's not entirely sure of that, not while he still hasn't come to grips with how bad this has the potential to be, but he squares his jaw and nods nevertheless, putting his arm around her and pulling her close at his side. If he can will himself to believe it for the time being, that's the first battle won, right there.

[drownondryland]

Sighing, Meredith relaxes against him, closing her eyes. This is just a temporary problem, one they can fix with time (and one of the finest specialists of her time if they have to, she won't hesitate to ask Mark to do this if she thinks they have to, but that's a long way down the road). In the meanwhile, she'll do whatever needs doing. For now, she just takes his hand again.