Christmas Eve [for Meredith]

[missingthekeep]

Sean's so nervous, he thinks he might pass out. He was expecting to be nervous, of course, he was anxious as sin the last time he tried something as insane as this with the last woman to cross his path, but this... this really goes above and beyond. Fortunately, in the years since his last proposal of marriage, he's gotten a hell of a lot better at hiding how nervous he is, so the only outward show of it he allows is some fidgeting with the ring in his jacket pocket. It doesn't help much.

It's a good ring, he thinks. Fancy and pretty without overdoing it. He'll want something a little more personal than what he could scrounge from the Pond woman's stash for the final things, but as an engagement ring, it does nicely. Would that he were so confident about the rest of this, especially when he has every reason to be. This isn't about how lousy everything else in his life is right now, this is about him and Meredith, nothing else. And they're good. They're better than good, occasional hiccups aside. He wants this, she wants this, and they're great, they're solid. How could this possibly be the wrong thing to do, the wrong time to do it?

It isn't, he tells himself for the thirtieth time. Besides, it's already been weeks since she told him she was ready, that she was finally and fully ready to marry him. How much longer does he really have?

Right.

Right.

"Nice night, innit?" he asks with a smile, trying to keep up the charade that he dragged her out to the snow-covered beach for nothing more than a walk on Christmas Eve as long as he's able.

Comments

[drownondryland]

Meredith turns her head, eyes closing, caught between enjoying the feel of his lips on her skin and wishing she didn't have a hundred answers to that question, though few of them have anything to do with him. "I think I already covered that tonight," she murmurs. "Sometimes it still doesn't make sense I could be. Not that I'm complaining."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"Makes all the sense in the world from where I'm sittin'," Sean whispers, dragging his teeth lightly across her skin. "Ye saved me."

[drownondryland]

Meredith bites her lip hard, but it does nothing to stop the soft whimper that comes with that. "Fair enough," she says. God, she shouldn't be flippant now, not when this matters, when it means so much, but she can't help it. "You saved me."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

It's not the same, Sean thinks. Maybe she was miserable before, but she wasn't teetering on the brink of destruction like him. She's a survivor. Still, there's something perfect about the idea of them saving each other, two lost souls who just couldn't make it on their own anymore and found each other, so he can ignore the knowledge that it's a fallacy, at least for now. "Best damn thing I've e'er done, then."

[drownondryland]

Meredith opens her eyes, catching herself actively searching for a way to deny that (he has to have done things much better than help put her together, keep her from losing what grip she had on the pieces). She can't, though. Sitting here, warm and safe and loved in spite of her own insecurities, she can't. "Well, I think so," she says, turning her head to look at him. "Could say the same about you, you know."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean meets her gaze after a moment, reaching up to brush his hand along her cheek, and if his smile is a little sad, it's got nothing to do with her words. It's just the night they've had. "S'pose I c'n buy that," he says lightly. "Was near a miracle on yer end, after all."

[drownondryland]

Leaning her head against his, Meredith smiles, almost embarrassed now, though that doesn't make her any less pleased by it. "I was here," she says, "that's all. Not exactly hard work, being here with you." It might not always be easy, but in between these times, she forgets that.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

"It can be," Sean whispers, eyes closed. She can't think that he doesn't know that.

[drownondryland]

"And I make it so easy all the time," Meredith says dryly. Hand at his cheek, she draws back to look at him again. She might not be able to make him believe her, but she still has to say it. "It's worth it. It's always worth it."

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean doesn't bother replying, just turns his head slightly into her touch and sighs. Maybe he still has trouble believing it, but really, isn't her opinion the only one that matters in this situation?

"D'ye want ta lay down 'fore I start bawlin' again?"

[drownondryland]

Meredith laughs a little and nods, kissing him again first. "Yeah," she says, "alright." Reaching back, she takes his hands in hers as she gets to her feet. "Are you gonna be okay?" That he can joke about this at all is encouraging, though she doubts he'd tell her otherwise even if it were the case.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean takes his time standing up, hands in hers, before he tries to answer. "I hope so," he says, shooting for something a little closer to emotional honesty than he usually goes for.

[drownondryland]

Meredith considers that a moment, then sighs. "Me, too," she says, walking backwards toward their room. She could hope for better, but it wouldn't be true, not yet. It's not like she could say more for herself some days.

[missingthekeep.livejournal.com]

Sean just nods once as he follows her back, the only response that really strikes him as necessary. On the off-chance that he does wind up pulling himself together, it'll be for her sake more than anything else, anyway.