missingthekeep | (no subject)

Eyelids fluttering shut, Meredith sighs, head tipping back, and she reaches blindly to touch his face, his hair, his shoulder, anywhere her fingers can brush. Mixed in with all the longing, the need, the arousal, there's something like relief. After what seems like an eternity of feeling useless, broken, stupid for getting herself in this mess of hers and for not being able to fix his, it's so overwhelmingly good just to feel like this again: sensual, desirable. In control, as much as either of them ever are here. Her other hand trailing carefully down over her body, she hooks her thumb in the waistband of her panties, tugging them lower, barely noticing herself talk when she murmurs, "I want you so much right now. Or always. You always make me so... I want you so much."

The feeling is more than mutual, and Sean makes a quiet, desperate noise low in his throat as he lifts her legs over his head to slide her panties off without getting up. "An' ye've got me," he whispers, not for the first time and never for the last. While he's still perfectly happy to take things slowly, however, that doesn't mean he has the willpower to keep from going for more when it's right in front of him, and there's no further hesitation on his end before he ducks his head to place another slow, open-mouthed kiss right where she wants him.

Meredith moans, heels pressing into his back, fighting not to just buck into it. She doesn't want to rush; she just wants more and she knows she'll get it in time. It's just that patience isn't a strong point for her, least of all with this. Besides, for reasons she hasn't had a chance to identify, she couldn't help thinking For how long? and the last thing she wants on her mind now is the idea they're running out of time. It's so much better to be aware only that she has him now.

Maybe all of the concerns that have been plaguing Sean as of late don't entirely go away when she wraps herself around him like that, but they sure as hell keep their distance. They'll be back, and the certainty of that is a hindrance all on its own, but it's one he can handle. It's too easy to get lost in this, in the way she tastes and smells, her moans and little touches, igniting all of his senses as he languidly mouths her. Maybe he's not as precise as usual, as deliberate as he would have been sober, but he's still as practiced as ever, humming some meaningless affirmation as he runs his tongue over her clit. He can't think about whether or not anything can truly be forever right now, not when he can barely think at all.

One hand curled in the pillow over her head, the other tangled in his hair, Meredith relaxes. Oh, her hips still strain toward that amazing mouth of his, her whole body strains toward him, and a particularly sharp gasp reminds her that she's not altogether well yet, but she can't think how long it's been since she just felt good. She doesn't want to think about it, so she doesn't, she can't, not like this. All that rest has never felt especially relaxing, not for her, but at least for now, all the worries, everything that's been in her way, can be forgotten for a little while. Sober or not (she won't think about it), he's good at this, setting off sparks, drawing soft, high sounds from her over and over again, reminding her just how well he knows her.

This is it, Sean thinks as his fingers trace delicate patterns across her hips and he increases the pace he's set with lips and tongue, anything to get more of those brilliant sounds out of her. This is all he's got to live for right now, and while the thought that she's all he's got going for him is far from a new one, it doesn't strike him as all that depressing right this second. It's been easy to forget for these past weeks, while having to watch her hurt and recuperating, but having Meredith by his side... it's a hell of a thing to have in his favour.

Meredith closes her eyes, holding on tight, trying to make this last as long as she can though she can already feel that familiar pressure building, every touch, every stroke of his tongue, leaving her feeling warm and blissfully hazy. Keeping track of her mostly wordless reactions is beyond her and she likes it that way. With the way things are, it's a relief not to be thinking about anything but him and only good things at that, making her want to give in absolutely, caught between chasing as much as she can get right now and drawing it out. She arches desperately against him, breath catching in her throat, as he brings her closer no matter what she chooses.

She's in no rush to finish and Sean's in no rush to quit, but it always comes down to wanting more from her, wanting to up the ante, and as he draws her into his mouth, gently sucking while his tongue never stops, he's watching her reactions with every ounce of concentration that he can muster. Caressing her thigh with one hand, he reaches up to grab hold of her own with his other, unthinking and oddly needy as he wraps his fingers around hers.

At that, Meredith opens her eyes, squeezing his hand as she looks at him again. Meeting his gaze, her heart skips a beat, and she can't bite her lip anymore, lips parting for another gasp, a low moan, cheeks flushed. It shouldn't be possible for him to be so gorgeous at this angle, in this position, but need rushes through her all over again all the same. She just keeps watching him in return, right up until he pushes her right over the edge and she's tensing, shuddering, crying out as she comes, toes pointing and head tipping back while it hits her in waves, makes her electric. She doesn't let go of his hand.

And there it is, one moment of pristine perfection as her cries shoot through Sean like lightning. A few seconds when he can believe, when he can know that he is absolutely everything to this woman as opposed to the exact opposite that he's felt like since first seeing her in that clinic bed. He draws back only slightly, open-mouthed and wide-eyed as he sees her through it. In this moment, it's all been worth it.

The only thing marring this moment is the split second of panic that hits Meredith when catching her breath proves a little more difficult than normal, the ache in her side becoming apparent to her as she rides out the last of it. The first, at least, subsides quickly and the second seems an insignificant price to pay. Right now, she just can't bring herself to care. Right now, she sinks back into the bed and it's hard to feel anything but good. "Oh my god," she murmurs finally, looking at him with an adoring, if lazy, smile and tugging slightly at his hand. "Oh my god."

Sean's still not in any grand rush to move, but after pressing a few light kisses to her thigh and hip, he gamely rises onto his knees to crawl up the bed and lay back down at her side, fingers still entwined with her own. "What about him?" he asks with a self-satisfied little grin.

Meredith rolls onto her side, and if she's more than usually cautious about it, that doesn't stop her curling against him, hooking a leg over his. It's a relief just to feel normal again, to know she's exactly where she should be and not be scared of it. "Nothing about him," she says, smile threatening to turn into a laugh at that look of his even as she presses a kiss to his shoulder. "Just you."

"Mmm, good," Sean murmurs, carefully slipping his arms around her and ducking his head to kiss her properly. "'Cause I've no room in me right now f'r jealousy."

"Oh," Meredith says, laughing, "I thought you don't get jealous." She kisses him again, lining her body against his inch for inch, as if staying as close as possible can keep them right here in this moment indefinitely. She feels like herself here; they feel like them as they ought to be, not those sad, uncertain people they so often are.

Sean moans unabashedly as she presses against him, deepening the kiss quickly before he draws back again to rest his head against hers. "Only 'cause I'm too busy wi' everythin' else," he sighs, closing his eyes for the moment. How the place can still manage to be so boring most of the time when he's got so much weighing on his mind, Sean will never understand.

Meredith tips her head forward just enough to find his mouth again, softer now, one hand trailing slowly down his back. "I just thought it was because you trust me," she says, gently teasing. As much she still wants to encourage him to talk to her, she's reluctant to leave behind this semblance of peace. They've had too little of it lately. "Nothing else here now."

"I trust ye," Sean says, arching slightly against her touch, but it sounds odd to his ears. Less of a reply and more of an entirely unrelated observation that he just felt like getting off of his chest for no reason in particular.

"I know," Meredith murmurs, eyes closing as her smile fades a little. He still makes her feel impossibly safe, even as some vague sense of concern rises up in her right along with the wave of affection. She wants so badly to put everything right for him and she doesn't have the first idea how. "I trust you, too. I love you."

"I love ye so much," Sean whispers, a sudden surge of emotion coming over him as he holds her a little tighter, still mindful of her ribs. He loves her more than he can possibly say, he just wishes he were in the habit of actually proving it, of making his actions match his feelings. Instead, he lets things like this happen to her.

It's at moments like these that Meredith's sure — not of everything, not even of most things, but of this. Anyway, it's at these moments that she remembers she's been sure for a long damn time. "So much," she echoes, not entirely coherent as she kisses him hard, arms tight around him. Maybe she's still uncertain in places, still hung up on the details, but the simple fact is she doesn't know how to live without him anymore, doesn't ever want to try. Everything else might be crazy, but this, this she finally got right.

Sean inhales sharply and reaches up to cup her cheek as he kisses her back, his head swimming with conflicting emotions and the notion that he's going to get whiplash from the surges of desperation and lust that keep hitting him all at once. It's when the other thoughts start creeping in, the doubts and recriminations, the whispered voices that say he doesn't deserve this, hasn't earned a love like hers, that he gives in to the rest of it and draws back to undo his jeans. This should shut them up.

Meredith leans after him automatically with a little noise of disappointment at the loss of his body against her, but any idea that this might suddenly be done gets forgotten almost immediately. She has no real desire to pull away, but the end result is more than worth drawing back her leg now. Hand slipping down so she can hook her fingers in his waistband, tugging down as soon as she can, all approval and chasing kisses again.

His fingers are suddenly clumsy, and with her kisses providing a pretty enjoyable distraction on top of that, it takes Sean far longer than it should to get his pants off. He ends up resorting to a bit of ungainly kicking toward the end to get them and his boxers dispatched, but he's back to what matters a moment later as he presses back against her, naked and wanting and desperate to forget.

Meredith stifles a moan against his shoulder, rocking forward as her hand slides down his side. She's always been quick to catch his desperation. Fingertips pressing hard into his hip, she kisses up his neck until she finds his pulse, stopping to suck at his skin before she finds his mouth again. She's gone a long time without sex before, much longer than a couple weeks, but going even half so long as she has without him on her, in her, is maddening now.