missingthekeep | (no subject)

Meredith tips her head forward just enough to find his mouth again, softer now, one hand trailing slowly down his back. "I just thought it was because you trust me," she says, gently teasing. As much she still wants to encourage him to talk to her, she's reluctant to leave behind this semblance of peace. They've had too little of it lately. "Nothing else here now."

"I trust ye," Sean says, arching slightly against her touch, but it sounds odd to his ears. Less of a reply and more of an entirely unrelated observation that he just felt like getting off of his chest for no reason in particular.

"I know," Meredith murmurs, eyes closing as her smile fades a little. He still makes her feel impossibly safe, even as some vague sense of concern rises up in her right along with the wave of affection. She wants so badly to put everything right for him and she doesn't have the first idea how. "I trust you, too. I love you."

"I love ye so much," Sean whispers, a sudden surge of emotion coming over him as he holds her a little tighter, still mindful of her ribs. He loves her more than he can possibly say, he just wishes he were in the habit of actually proving it, of making his actions match his feelings. Instead, he lets things like this happen to her.

It's at moments like these that Meredith's sure — not of everything, not even of most things, but of this. Anyway, it's at these moments that she remembers she's been sure for a long damn time. "So much," she echoes, not entirely coherent as she kisses him hard, arms tight around him. Maybe she's still uncertain in places, still hung up on the details, but the simple fact is she doesn't know how to live without him anymore, doesn't ever want to try. Everything else might be crazy, but this, this she finally got right.

Sean inhales sharply and reaches up to cup her cheek as he kisses her back, his head swimming with conflicting emotions and the notion that he's going to get whiplash from the surges of desperation and lust that keep hitting him all at once. It's when the other thoughts start creeping in, the doubts and recriminations, the whispered voices that say he doesn't deserve this, hasn't earned a love like hers, that he gives in to the rest of it and draws back to undo his jeans. This should shut them up.

Meredith leans after him automatically with a little noise of disappointment at the loss of his body against her, but any idea that this might suddenly be done gets forgotten almost immediately. She has no real desire to pull away, but the end result is more than worth drawing back her leg now. Hand slipping down so she can hook her fingers in his waistband, tugging down as soon as she can, all approval and chasing kisses again.

His fingers are suddenly clumsy, and with her kisses providing a pretty enjoyable distraction on top of that, it takes Sean far longer than it should to get his pants off. He ends up resorting to a bit of ungainly kicking toward the end to get them and his boxers dispatched, but he's back to what matters a moment later as he presses back against her, naked and wanting and desperate to forget.

Meredith stifles a moan against his shoulder, rocking forward as her hand slides down his side. She's always been quick to catch his desperation. Fingertips pressing hard into his hip, she kisses up his neck until she finds his pulse, stopping to suck at his skin before she finds his mouth again. She's gone a long time without sex before, much longer than a couple weeks, but going even half so long as she has without him on her, in her, is maddening now.

With an answering sigh, Sean grinds against her, chasing every kiss, every touch, like a man possessed. Suddenly, he doesn't understand how he could have possibly had the patience to go without feeling this way for so long. He's just not that strong.

"Turn around?" he whispers, trying to think of the easiest way for her to do this, not a single trace of his overwhelming need for her going hidden.

Meredith kisses him one more time and does so before halfway rolling onto her back to look back at him. "Wait, no," she murmurs. She gestures vaguely toward her side, biting her lip. She doesn't want to say no to anything right now, feeling like she's killing the mood a little, but her injury's still in the way. Turning back to him, she brushes her hair out of her eyes. "You mean on my side or... How should we do this?"

Sean bites his lip, echoing her action as he brushes her hair back a little himself, having far too much trouble thinking this through. "Whatever's easiest for ye," he says, still frantic. "Maybe if I'm on the other side?" he asks, making a face. It's feels awkward to ask and it's far from romantic, but nobody said this was going to be a simple matter.

It's difficult to think of a solution to this when her body basically just wants her to jump him now and figure out the rest as they go. Maybe she should have thought this through beforehand, but it didn't occur to her until it was too late. "Maybe," she says, turning her head to kiss his palm. "As long as I'm not on my left, I... anything." As long as it gets them started, she's game.

Everything she does only seems to spur him on more, making the whole matter increasingly difficult, but Sean nods just the same before he moves, carefully shifting over her to avoid crawling around like a fool, a sudden overwhelming feeling of vulnerability that he doesn't quite understand washing over him as he does so. Dealing with her injuries like this, it leaves him feeling more exposed somehow, more raw.

"Like this, then? Better?" he asks, settling in again and hoping any play of emotion across his face just comes across as further desperation.

Meredith just wants to turn around again, press against him — well, no, not just. She wants this to be simpler, too, but there's nothing for it but trial and error and hopefully not much of that. Leaning back against him instead, she looks over her shoulder and nods, humming her agreement. "Yeah, okay." She reaches back to touch him any way she can, angling her head for a kiss before she adds, "Condom, we need a condom." Her heart is trying to climb up her throat out of sheer impatience, thrumming all along her skin, her desire a physical ache spreading through her. With their luck these days, though, she's taking no chances.

Sean groans, pressing his lips hard against her shoulder, not wanting to move away for anything. "Oh, but we've been so good lately. An' it's been so long..."

Leaning her head back against his shoulder, Meredith whimpers, trying desperately to make good sense win out this once. The last thing they need now, on top of everything else, is a child. "Sean, I can't," she sighs, "I shouldn't, I, I..." He feels so good against her, though, she doesn't really want him to move away either.

"Ye what?" Sean prompts, barely audible as he skims his fingers along her thigh. This is isn't anything he would ever normally push for, but he's really not in any mood to think things through properly. All he knows is that it seems like it's been an eternity since he's had her and all he wants is to feel her properly. Why should that be so much to ask? Like a treat for good behaviour.

Meredith draws in a deep breath and even the answering pang from her ribs can't pull her back down to solid ground, her thoughts hazy with lust. She knows the logic here, knows what she's afraid of, but it's nothing she wants to think about and she wants even less to say it. He makes it so easy not to think, to consider only that they've gotten away with it before. Hips pressing automatically back against his, she turns her head to kiss his neck. "You know the risks," she says, but it barely even tries to be a protest now.

If she's trying to dissuade him, she's not doing a very good job of it and Sean quietly moans, tipping his head to capture her mouth in a kiss, his fingers digging into her hip before he remembers that he's supposed to be being careful. "Worth it?" he mumbles, suddenly beyond the ability to string together complete sentences.

While there's a part of her brain that's distinctly aware that it really might not be, depending on the outcome, it's drowned out by the overwhelming sound and feel and taste of him. Meredith nods blindly, kissing him again, reaching up to rest a hand on his neck. It isn't fair, she wants him too much to keep saying no, but she can't bring herself to care. "Yes," she says, a little strangled, heart in her throat. "Yes, god, Sean, please."

Sean makes a noise that falls somewhere between relieved and ridiculously turned on, messily kissing her again as he shifts just enough to get a bit more leverage. He doesn't hesitate any longer, all his ability to take this slow having evaporated the instant those words were out of her mouth, and he's guiding himself into her from behind before the thought that he's doing it even really registers with him. When it feels this good, they should be allowed one little lapse in judgment.

Meredith gasps and turns her head to bury her face against her arm, head swimming, a little relieved herself just to feel him inside her again. It's been too long and he's right, they've been so good and had so much bad happen, and none of that even really matters when he feels so good. She moans into the pillow, drawing her knees toward her and out of his way, pushing back against him, tightening around him, as much as she can. The future and the past and everything outside this room, nothing matters right now but the way he makes her feel.

Sean's mouth falls open and he shuts his eyes tight, a choked moan dying in his throat and giving way to a few stilted gasps. For a second, it feels like it's too much, too overwhelming, too perfect, but whether or not his mind can decide if he can handle this, his body already has. There's no real pause before he's moving, short, sharp thrusts within her as he puts his arm around her to hold her close. This is it, this is what he has to live for these days, and if it's only for these periods that things can feel the way that they used to, then he's going to seize them with both hands.

As soon as she's regained some semblance of control over her breathing, Meredith's half-twisting around to try and kiss him again, holding tight to the arm around her, reaching with the other to find his neck, his shoulder, anything. Always vocal, she's even more so now, unable to suppress the sharp, short moans breaking through her panting. It doesn't matter if it takes longer to heal, she can deal with the pain. She can't be without him, can't live without him pushing into her, lined up against her. Tangling her legs with his, she pushes back as hard as she can, desperate for more, never troubling to hide how badly she needs this.