missingthekeep | [for Meredith]

Entry tags:

[for Meredith]

Let it not be said that Sean has no Christmas spirit. Granted, the only reason he's up on the roof in the first place, stringing lights stolen from some nearby trees along the edges of his bloody cabin, is because he needs the distraction, but the point here is that he's doing it at all. The fact that he's heading towards another major holiday without Maeve, one of many, many more to come, the memory of how hard last year had been, running into Moira and everything that entailed, Sean isn't so oblivious as to not realize this is really just about finding something to keep his thoughts from heading to any of the old dark places and he hasn't suddenly turned over some festive new leaf. Really, it's almost the opposite, like he's cheapening genuine appreciation for the season by faking it for all the wrong reasons, but he doesn't care. He's up there, he's got his lights, he's got his Christmas spirit, and he's distracted enough by the simple act of not falling off for all the confusing thoughts and worries that having a girlfriend from the future show up apparently bring to be miles away. It'd be nice if he didn't have to look so damned ridiculous while he's at it, but it's a small enough price to pay for peace of mind, however brief.

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"Sounds like a fair trade-off t'me," Sean says easily and leans in for another quick kiss, just for good measure. Stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets, he sobers a little bit as he sets off next to her, still unsure as to whether the matter actually warrants it or not. Knowing him, he'd like to think he's making more out of all this than there really is, but he's not as sure of that as he'd like to be. Maybe a second opinion will help. "It's nothin' too rotten, anyhow, I'm jes' bein'... well, me. The season's nae a good one, is all. Holidays're rough. An' another one from home showed up, an' it's strange as all get out, an' I'm pretty sure the month's just out ta get me every year," he sighs, flashing her a brief, wry smile. It says something that, with her by his side now, he actually doesn't feel like he's doing all that badly.

Though she's always wishing for more people from home, selfish as even she has to acknowledge that is, it's different for Sean, Meredith gets that, and the holidays aren't ever easy. Even so, she smiles and shakes her head at him. "That's all?" she asks. "Every month of the year's out to get you. And you know, you can always just avoid those people. I would." Just because they know him in the future doesn't mean he's obligated to know them now, after all, and no matter how many people she misses, there's a list just as long of people she'd be content never to see again, never mind people she doesn't even know yet.

"True," Sean admits with a dry chuckle. "But this one in p'rticular seems nastier'n most. A few years runnin', now. An' I'm nae really sure I want ta be avoidin' her, even if I wasnae horrible at that sort o' thing." If he was smart about it, he'd probably realize that it would be better for the both of them if he did, but he can't help but wonder. It seems like she should be the one making the effort to avoid him, like it isn't fair of him to take the initiative on that sort of thing, as little sense as that makes. Just one more thing to wonder futilely about that he doesn't need.

"Oh, well, that's different." Meredith tucks a hand into the crook of his arm, at once comforting and faintly possessive. She's not worried that it's a woman, but there's a quick pang of panic -- she believes him, mostly, that she's the one he wants, that she's first in his thoughts, but that doesn't mean she ever wants to try her luck against Maeve -- which disappears almost as soon as it arrives. He wouldn't be half so calm in that situation. "And probably easier. This place is kind of small for that. So... you just keep your distance until you figure out if you want to or not. I don't know what to do about December's vendetta against you, though."

"I'd suggest lockin' ourselves inside someplace an' keepin' entertained 'til it passes, but this place doesnae care too much 'bout boundaries," says Sean, smirking slightly and absently leaning into her touch as he walks. "Ye're right, though, an' 'm sure whate'er this is'll all work itself out in th'end." He's pretty sure he still hasn't adequately gotten across just why this has got him feeling so out of sorts, but he's also not entirely sure of that himself, so it's something of a moot point. "She's- she an' I were... involved, in the time she's from. Fer a while at that, least from the sounds o' things. I jus' dinnae really ken what ta make o' that, ye know?"

Anything Meredith has to say regarding that first suggestion gets forgotten as she looks over at him, a little startled by that. She's still emphatically not jealous, she doesn't get jealous, but all the same, she wants to find out who this woman is, hunt her down and watch her like an idiot from across the room until she determines whether or not she's prettier or smarter or generally better than Meredith herself. "Involved," she echoes, then remembers to keep walking. "Seriously? But -- but that's her time, so... She told you that?"

"Nae exactly," Sean replies, frowning. "Jean did. I'd heard 'bout her before, months back. Small favours, I s'pose, 'cause can ye 'magine needin' the woman herself t'explain that one? As if it wasnae awkward enae as is." At least there's one point about the whole thing that's been made a little easier for them. It's hard to see how it counts for much, but it's still something.

"That... would suck," Meredith agrees. Absently leaning into him, she bites her lip, suddenly sorry for her. Just showing up in this place is bad enough without losing Sean as well. "I wouldn't want to be her right now. But... if I were... I wouldn't want you to avoid me either. But I would. It'd be complicated." And that's exactly why she hopes he'll just stay away from her, but this one isn't really up to her.

"Mm-hmm," Sean hums, nodding his assent. At least now he's got something of a second opinion that he values on the matter, for all the good it does him. "Which'd be the reason why I'm suddenly filled with the spirit o' the season. Or... part o' the reason anyhow."

"Fair enough." She wouldn't want to think about any of that either. There are questions Meredith wants to ask and she knows he doesn't have the answers, but then, that's nothing new. They've almost never got the answers, but she can at least try to help in the few ways she knows, stopping where she stands and turning to kiss him. "Better you than me," she adds, still leaning close. "I'd just fall off the roof if I tried to decorate."

"Since I've enae concerns wi'out that one addin' to 'em, I'd say ye're right," Sean says with a quiet chuckle, kissing her again before teasingly adding, "But hey, maybe if Cristina asks real nice, I'll do yer place, too." Because as much as she's helped him feel better about the obvious issues at play, Lord knows the ones he hasn't quite yet sussed out aren't going to be going away any time soon. He'll be wanting for things to do for a while yet.

Meredith laughs, shaking her head at the idea. "Right," she says, "'cause that's gonna happen." She's got the feeling Cristina's less than impressed with Sean as it is, but she's not sure Cristina's ever going to approve of her boyfriends as it is. So long as she's not outright attacking him yet or saying they can't make it, Meredith can live with that for now. "Real nice isn't something she's good at. But I could ask nice."

Sean makes a thoughtful sound in his throat at that, making like he's mulling it over for a few seconds before slyly asking, "Jus' how nice're we talkin', here? It's nae as if ye c'n jus' tell me ta jump and have me ask 'how high,' now." Oh, no, nothing of the sort.

"You take all the fun out of it," Meredith deadpans, slipping her arms up over his shoulders. She's almost too warm now in her coat, so close to him, but there are more pressing matters on her mind. "I can be pretty nice when I want to be. Although truthfully, I'm really not invested in the idea of decorations so much as I am in watching you put them up."

"Aye, 'm a real stick in the mud, I know't," Sean says, giving a put-upon sigh before he grins and ducks his head, a little self-conscious even as he lets his arms settle around her waist. "Ne'er figured ye fer the type ta find manual labour sexy, though. Might have ta remember that."

"Well, that," Meredith says, smirking, "and once it stops being weird, it's kind of funny. But sexy's in there, too." The entertainment value on both levels, she's sure, would be well worth Cristina's fussing about the outcome. She shrugs, pretending to consider her reasons. "It's about even."

"Well, I am so glad that I amuse ye," Sean says wryly, still grinning. It's amazing how quickly she's managed to prove herself as exactly what he'd said, the very best of distractions from what all ails him. It's a bloody God-given gift. "Would that I were so easily entertained. It must be nice."

"I take what I can get," teases Meredith, leaning in to kiss him again. Snow just reminds her of them these days, when it's a little awe-inspiring to realize they've made it this far since the last snowfall, that they can still be standing here like this at all. She can barely think it without feeling stupid for it, but she doesn't care much anyway. "And the sexy part's important, too."

"Damn well better be, luv," Sean teases right back, brushing his nose against hers. "Gotta keep ye on yer toes somehow, after all, 's only fair. 'Specially since takin' what I c'n get's the story o' me fool life here." It probably helps that 'what he can get' is apparently a whole hell of a lot. And then some.

"That seems to be working out pretty well for you," she says, laughing a little. Meredith's been kept running in circles enough by the men in her life that his brand of surprising her comes as a relief, a welcome change. Looking up at him, caught up in this as she is, it's easy only to see the good, everything they were talking about earlier already forgotten. "And you're about all that does keep me on my toes here. You and this place."

"Ach, this place? That's some awful steep competition ta be livin' up to, there," Sean says with mock worry, biting his lip. Even if it wasn't a joke, he's pretty sure there's no challenge he wouldn't undertake for her sake, even for something so simple as making her days a little bit easier to get through. "I think I'm up to't, though. Love hearin' ye laugh," he adds, mostly as an afterthought.

Meredith ducks her head, strangely self-conscious. "Then you really should come decorate," she says lightly, then leans in to kiss him once more. It's a sentiment she can understand, though; there's a certain pleasure in getting him to laugh, even if it's not quite as rare as it used to be. Reaching behind her for one of his hands, she bites back a grin. "I'm sure that'd give me all kinds of reasons to laugh. I can't believe it's almost Christmas already. Again."

"Again," Sean echoes, still smiling, but sounding suitably shellshocked by that as he threads his fingers through hers despite the slightly awkward angle. "Guess it's jus' one o' those things that sneaks up on ye." It's all the more stunning when he considers that last Christmas was pretty much his lowest point here, that it's all been on something of a steady uptick since then, so long ago. "Ne'er dreamed I'd still be here, let alone be here with ye."

It's been twenty-three months now, give or take a few days, and the thought that she never dreamed she'd want to be here now makes Meredith want to turn and walk again. She stays where she is, though, shaking her head with a dazed little smile. "I know," she says, "me neither. I used to think I'd be long gone by now. I guess that was pretty silly to think. But it's worked out for me." She has to believe that -- that even if she doesn't see a third Christmas here, even if he vanished tonight, it would be worth it. It's better to love, better to be loved, or she's got no reason to be here at all.

"Worked out f'r me, too, f'r that matter," Sean says, quiet and fond. He's never stopped counting the months himself, but somewhere along the line, around the same time they started flying by a whole lot faster, the tone it took on became one of thanks instead of hopelessness. "S' long as things hold out, this is pretty much guaranteed ta be the best Christmas I've spent in... a very long time, anyhow." Which would normally be a pretty good sign that things aren't going to hold out, but he's not thinking about that right now. He's distracted, after all.

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